


What's in A Name?

by tinymacuser1998



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Post Series, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6268819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinymacuser1998/pseuds/tinymacuser1998
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis hasn't seen him smile in twenty-eight days.<br/>That's a long time to go without smiling, he thinks. Even if you're a very unhappy person. He decided to say something after, like, a week and a half, when they were drinking warm canned beers in Flynn's bedroom late one night.<br/>Flynn didn't even look at him when he said, "What is there to smile about?"<br/>It was crushing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's in A Name?

Louis hasn't seen him smile in twenty-eight days.  
That's a long time to go without smiling, he thinks. Even if you're a very unhappy person. He decided to say something after, like, a week and a half, when they were drinking warm canned beers in Flynn's bedroom late one night.  
Flynn didn't even look at him when he said, "What is there to smile about?"  
It was crushing. 

Louis met Flynn when he was fourteen.  
They went to the same high school, but we're in different states for middle school. That's what constituted their late introductions, which, honestly, Louis chalked up to small graces. He was a dick from eighth grade down.  
But he was nice in ninth grade, when he offered Flynn his seat by the home room door. He was nice when he offered to go with Flynn to the bathroom and hold his crutches.  
It was a ploy to look good, though. If he did good things, Louis's teacher would praise him in parent-teacher conferences, and generally glossed over his academics, which were more often then not lacking.  
Something changed, though, around sophomore year. Louis started hanging out with Flynn outside of the classroom. They discussed Warrior Cats late into the night over the phone while other kids were at football games. They went to Louis's house and watched Tron on VHS before camping in the backyard.  
Flynn would even eat with Louis's family during Passover (the only Jewish holiday his mother insisted on practicing since they moved to to New Mexico), even though Louise would mock him and her dad for being the only Gentiles at the table.  
Maybe the natural progression was to crush on him? Louis doesn't know.  
But there were times that he would pine for girls in his class that he knew he'd never have. It all felt so different, though, like it was safer to think about them. Like there was never a possibility.  
That didn't stop him from fantasizing about it. No, sir.  
Was it better that he would imagine Flynn with girls, though? At least at first. He'd think about the popular girls with bleached hair and push-up bras sucking Flynn's dick, or the curvy Mexican TA in his Spanish class kissing Flynn's neck.  
It was so dirty. Did it mean that Lewis was vouyeristic? He had no clue.  
It turned into fantasies of himself and Flynn pretty quickly, though, which was terrifying in a different way. So, he could imagine himself with Flynn, and imagine Flynn and himself with girls, but he couldn't imagine himself with other boys (and couldn't imagine Flynn with other boys, either, but less because of disgust and more because it made him really, really angry). But he wasn't gay for anyone else besides Flynn. It was something Louise called "heteroflexibility".  
And kind of a relief, if Louis wanted to be truly honest. 

Everything just went to shit their Junior year, for some reason. Mr. White was caught wandering around the local supermarket wearing nothing, and that's when Flynn officially started going by Flynn.  
It was during Tron, which they were watching on the couch while Louise was feeding the kittens in the other room. He paused the VHS and turned to Louis and said, "I should go by another name,"  
Louis looked at him out of the corner of his eye and said, "Sure, yeah. Why?"  
Flynn shrugged, which always would look strange because of his uneven shoulders, but Louis hadn't cared about that in over two years.  
Louis nodded, and turned back to the screen, "Have you thought of a name yet?"  
"I was hoping you'd help me with that," Flynn said.  
"How about Tron?"  
Which made Flynn laugh. It wasn't a commodity those days, but Louis still got smiles out of him every so often, so it didn't seem to matter as much.  
"How about Kevin?" Flynn countered.  
Louis shook his head, "You know my cousin Kevin,"  
"Total dick," Flynn agreed.  
"Oye!" Louis's mom yelled from upstairs, since her hearing seemed to only pick up curse words whenever people were over.  
Louis stroked his chin and stared at the screen. "How about Flynn?"  
"Now that's nerdy."

So Flynn stuck. It stuck all throughout the bullying (which was something administration hopped on very quickly when Mrs. White thought to hint that it was so rough because of his CP), and the baby, and Mr. and Mrs. White's will they/won't they divorce situation. It stuck throughout their truly awful junior year, when Louis's grades started plummeting and Flynn had to move in with his aunt and uncle for, like, three months.  
Amongst other shit.  
Then Mr. White dies, and Skylar is arrested, and Flynn had to live with the people that did that to them.  
Which brought them to the moment in Louis's room where he realized that, no matter what happens, even if Flynn starts acting like himself again and Louis can get past the fact that the Whites, who he broke bread with, were convicted felons, that he and Flynn were never going to be the same.  
Which is why he decided to go for it, while Flynn was looking off into space.  
Louis put his hands on both sides of Flynn's face and just stared, hoping that everything he's felt for roughly two years can be communicated with a look, so he wouldn't have to actually talk.  
"What're you doing, dude?" Flynn asked, looking scared but also not pulling away.  
Louis ghosted his thumbs along Flynn's cheek bones and said, "You don't smile anymore."  
Flynn leaned his face into Louis's hand and sighed, "I don't know what I did, Louis."  
"You didn't do anything."  
He started crying, then. He made Louis want to cry, because Flynn used to cry when he was sad or he cared too much about something. Does that make him a pansy? Louis didn't know. But then Flynn was just weeping bitterly into Louis's hands before he fell into Louis's arms.  
They stayed like that for hours. Louis micro-adjusted every so often until they were laying down with Flynn curled into his chest, and eventually, asleep. 

Flynn woke him up at around four that morning by leaning into his crotch. It felt good until there's too much weight and Louis jerked up, almost launching Flynn onto the floor.  
"I'm sorry, man, I just need to go to the bathroom," Flynn apologized.  
Louis didn't even speak, just yawned once before giving Flynn his shoulder and walking with him.  
Flynn knocks on the door I indicate when he's done, which Louis didn't register until the knob started to jiggling. Without thinking, he opened it, setting Flynn off balance. He fell into Louis's chest.  
He looked up at Louis with swollen, red eyes, and sniffled once.  
So Louis kissed him, which startled Flynn and made him slam back into the door and glare at Louis with so much confusion and pain.  
But Flynn leaned back into Louis slowly, which he didn't rush, and kissed Louis again until it became making out, and Louis really, really didn't want to be caught dry-jumping his best friend the hallway by either his parents or sister.  
So they went back into Louis's room.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want Flynn to be happy


End file.
